I can do it Cruise

Cruise Ramblings
Many of you have heard me say: all things are as they are suppose to be, but rarely is it as it seems. (its probably better)
This cruise has been phenomenal, but filled with moments of not so much. For example, last night rich and I dressed up, and went to dinner at the nice dining room. This is a free style cruise, so we did not have an assigned table. (as it turned out that really was a detriment to socializing and networking and making new fun friends).but anyway we sat down and looked at the menu and found absolutely nothing we wanted to order. Really? ….On a cruise and nothing interesting to eat? …..Or at least nothing good to eat. We both have agreed that the food is the blandest food we have ever eaten; Healthy food but no seasoning and no taste. The gift was that we didn’t over eat, and we did eat really really healthy all week
I came here to renew my healthiness, and committed to yoga every morning at 7 am. I imagined my body feeling really good from that, I also knew rich and would not be drinking as much, and felt that would help us to feel good. I ate no gluten for the first 4 days I increased my water intake, went to bed earlier and did a lot of other exercise. By day 5 I felt like crape and was feeling like the bitch from hell, and my knee, right leg and ankle were just screaming at me.
I also came here excited that Rich might make new “enlightened” discoveries and we could share more and be more connected, and yet with each class he came out with his left brain critical reviews. And just began to irritate me. How could he demean my heroes and my spiritual gurus in such caustic description?
But the final blow seem to come at the big Caribbean party, on the top deck last night. I so wanted to dance, but the music was awful, my knew was killing me, there was nowhere to sit down, and I pretty much said… the hell with this and ordered a drink, which I immediately proceeded to spill.
Here was a magnificent opportunity to put the money where the thought is. I sat quietly and remembered that we attract all things into our lives, and the attraction of things into our loves has more to do with what goes on inside of ourselves than what is happening around us. So I simply asked my spirit…. What is going on?
The message that came back to me over the next 24 hours was: This is about change, what you have been doing in the past has not been working so how do you want to do it different? My response was:
I want to be less judgmental, more disciplined, and have more fun. So I just hugged rich, got up and went to yoga this am, and sat with my imagination as to how to have more fun. I stayed committed to: all things are as they are supposed to be, but rarely is it as it seems. (its probably better) and just asked for the gift.
And then I waited. Waiting is not the most pleasant experience, but if you wait, and if you stay connected, and if you love, and if you imagine the gift will come. The gift I learned this week was that the more you imagine and the more you love the less the waiting. And I learned that if you have to process through the crap, be selective with how and who you share the crap with. Write it out, throw it away. Or select someone who can handle your crap and can throw it away for you. (like a therapist or healer) or just sit and wait in silence. I did that and things started to happen. (sometimes feeling like crap is nothing to do with your thoughts feelings or behavior, but it is something going on with you physically). (With me, I came to see: after the fact, that some of it was just a detoxification process, eating better, drinking more water etc, and doing the yoga)
Second insight: What if I could never pleasure any of my senses ever again? (what if I couldn’t dance, or never eat really good yummy foods, or see the blue water, or smell nag champa or lavender) I had to ask if joy came from things we do or just it come from a place much deeper down inside? The answer came back as: Joy is a feeling and it is a feeling that integrates the mind and its imagination with our spirit, for the purpose of pleasuring the body. The bigger the imagination, the bigger the experience of joy will be. Imagination is another way of saying look at all the possibilities. So as I sat in my silence to wait for the crap to leave, I imagined what would bring me joy if I couldn’t dance, couldn’t eat good food, couldn’t smell, couldn’t see or couldn’t do the things that worked in the past. I opened up to possibilities, and opened my heart and mind, and before long was feeling better.
So Insight one: silence, insight two: dreaming big and insight three is about collective energy. Rich came out of the one session I thought he would most likely dismiss and sat down and said: It is all coming together for me. He said: “its all about imagination; the more you imagine the bigger your box will get, and the more miracles you will attract.” I so desperately wanted to say: well duh…been telling you that for years
But instead I just said: “I am so tickled that a light has come on.”. And I secretly said I am so grateful I never told him how frustrated I was with him, because right now at this moment I just loved him. It became apparent that he just needed to be in this energy for a few days, and he needed the accumulative effect of being with such a positive group.
So being quiet, waiting, imagining and loving; It all comes down to that. And then we walked past a window and there was a rainbow out over the ocean. And a cool lady came up to us and said…. There is a hysterical comedian on ship… want to go hear her…. We said sure… and then laughed belly hard for an hour.
Then out of the blue Rich suggest he race / walk in the susan b komen cure for cancer on the ship. “I want to do this for my daughter who has done a three day walk, and for our friend Perri… who survived this.” So while I was in class he was walking the boat, and donating money instead of having a drink.
So yes a very different cruise, but a very good cruise…..tomorrow on an island in the Bahamas, doing a couples massage on the beach. Have changed my shoes and think tonight I will be able to dance at a different bar. ( we heard the music was much better there and knee feels better today, despite eating gluten in a plate of pasta that actually had some distant remote flavor)
SO: all things are as they are suppose to be, but rarely as they seem. (its always better), you just have to get quiet, imagine, and seek out the good energy and join it, feel it, and love. The gift IS in there.

Thanks for all of your prayers and witnessing our journey together