Overcoming fear and anxiety

These are our thoughts feelings and experiences. We accept responsibility for them. We understand your journey may be different. We honor and respect that. Wishing you effortless joy. Eloise and Jake

So about 2 years ago I was working closely with a shaman to get in touch with myself, my healer, my higher power and my ability to inspire healing.
We did many very cool exercises working with nature and animals that reflected the energy of the Native Americans that I so deeply honor and respect.
Many of the exercise were about developing trust. (Of myself and of my higher power).The last one she asked me to do was go out in the woods by myself and spend 24 hours totally alone. About this time there was a girl killed and a couple missing in the mountains of north Georgia where I was living. There are rattle snakes, and bears and wild cats and wolves and all sorts of unknown phenomenon. Just thinking about it gave me raw fear to the core.
I sort of disconnected myself from the process and went on with my life. But over the months I began to wonder why that was such a difficult process. The Indians did it everyday of their lives. I knew someday I would work through my issues so that I could actually do it.
An opportunity came up a few days ago that allowed me to move towards that end. I was invited back to the mountains of North Georgia and provided a cabin to stay in for the night. Now the cabin is out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by woods (National forests actually). On the door of the cabin there are claw marks where a bear tried to scratch its way in. Down the hill there is a little deck by a stream that the owner of the cabin (my friend) used to sleep on all the time to commune with nature. On one of those occasions she was confronted by 6 bears wandering in that wilderness.
Initially I was going to just go there by myself and sleep in the cabin as a step closer to my goal. But instead my daughter met me there to have a girly day, and I decided that with her in the cabin, I was going to sleep outdoors, on the deck.
To some of you that might not seem to be that big of a deal, and I actually felt that it would not be for me either. But as it turned out as midnight approached and I went to the deck with my blankets. I became paralyzed with fear. I was overwhelmed by the darkness and the silence. I heard myself say: “I don’t think I can do this”.
I did make some compromise, my daughter slept on the couch with the windows open which was right on the other side of the screens from where I was. And I left a light on upstairs in the loft of the cabin, and lit one candle at the top of the steps of the deck.
Even with that, I was in a state of panic when she went inside and I was left outside alone. I spent an hour or so literally sitting straight up looking around, in a state of freeze, waiting for some evil creature to jump out of no where. I could not get my sympathetic nervous system reversed with parasympathetic nervous system triggers.
Over the next few hours I eased down into a reclining position. (The goal was to actually feel relaxed enough to sleep.) At some point I had to pee. Could have gone inside, but felt that was the easy way; so I eased down the steps of the deck and out into the woods a little bit, and did what every good camper would do.
When I return to the deck I started feeling calmer. And I began to understand my fear to be a lack of trust of me, my spirit and my connection to GOD. I began to pray for everyone who came to mind. And with each prayer I stepped out of my fear and into trust and love.
Not sure of time, but about 4 am or so I think I finally fell asleep. And right before I did, I knew I could have walked down to the lower deck and fallen asleep there. (but I didn’t have a flash light, and knew I still would need that to maneuver through the woods)
My original goal was to actually sleep down there, and listen to the babbling brook. And although I did not do that this time, I now know I could.
One of the visions that got me through this experience was trying to imagine being blind (darkness) and deaf (stillness) and how one could live everyday as if they were in the woods. I realized that what we trust in is an illusion. Being in the dark, forces one to trust their instincts, and trust their higher power completely and unreservedly. There is nothing that we can hear and see that is absolute.
What we know to be true in our soul is safe and when it is connected purely to our source, we are protected.
Now when I woke up, the stars were gone, the sky was lighting up (not quite dawn) and I was able to look out into the woods and see light. And I felt joy, and peace and exhilaration that I overcame a fear.
Of course I ran inside to share my joy with my daughter, (and woke her up), then laid down on the floor and fell sound asleep for 4 hours. (She couldn’t go back to sleep).
Her perspective might add a little to this experience. She said as she laid there, in close proximity to my experience, she could feel all of my fear and could not sleep. When I finally calmed down and relaxed, so could she. It was evidence that our energy does affect those around us. Interestingly enough, she had a plan, if anything was to happen to me. She was ready with the fire extinguisher to annihilate any potential threat. I celebrate her ability to share this experience with me. (Especially sleeping with the windows open without enough blankets to stay warm)
Now, as you react to this story some of you will say, well that certainly was no big deal. But the point of the experience is to face whatever causes you fear, anxiety and overcome it. Sometime we are so busy avoiding things; we don’t even know what would paralyze us with fear. But I can guarantee you that there is something in everyone.
The good treatment for anxiety is exposure therapy (standing in the middle of it and overcoming it). It desensitizes you to whatever it is you fear (real or perceived.) There is a darkness that you avoid. Flying in airplanes, speaking public, driving on freeways, being alone, loosing control and the list goes on. Being connected and true to oneself, and connected to the source allows one to not only face fears but find joy and peace in the midst of them.