These are our thoughts feelings and experiences. We accept responsibility for them. We understand your journey may be different. We honor and respect that. Wishing you effortless joy. Eloise and Jake
Intentions:
A lot has been written about creating your own reality. That is just a way of saying, you decide if you are going to be happy or not. Many times it is a choice.
I understand that there are chemical imbalances, developmental disorders, illnesses and injury that contribute to depression, anxiety, mood disorders and disorders of thought. But too often it is our choices that trigger the exacerbation of an underlying genetic predisposition. And it is our choices that take a situation and make it worse. And it is our choices that often keep us stuck in negativity and destruction. And it is our choices that impact those chemicals or processes in our bodies.
Intentions are choices we make in how we think. And our intentions contribute greatly to how we feel. Intentions are the map we design to take us on our journeys.
Intentions however are not always conscious. Sometimes intentions cause us to do things that on the surface appear negative, but if you look at the motivation, the true intent is often survival, protection, safety or justice. Many over weight woman find comfort in excessive weight because they might have had their healthy body used or abused. An overweight man may find comfort in food, as a way not to smoke, and many violent individuals are often only trying to get some sense of control in their life.
Whether or not you are aware of why you are doing something, there is always a benefit to a “bad behavior”. Discovering that benefit; is often the only way to change the “bad behavior”. It is usually very uncomfortable to do self examination and look at those reasons, but in becoming aware of them brings about an opportunity to redirect ones choices. New choices, new behaviors bring about new feelings. To promote good feelings there has to be an awareness of our thoughts, and an active participation in our behavioral choices.
There is a specialty in psychology that deals with this: NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) which is all about intentions:
http://lifecoachesblog.com/2006/06/09/nlp-101-every-behaviour-has-a-positive-intention and
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_and_negative_(NLP
and
http://www.nlpu.com/Articles/article2.htm
The Spiritual new agers call it manifestation:
http://www.guide-to-self-help-techniques.com/creative-visualization.html
and
http://www.how-to-manifest-your-desires.com/how-to-manifest-reality.html
and
http://www.awakening-spirits.net/7-step-manifestations.htm
And it is even biblical: John 14.13 If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.” , The Jabez prayer in Chronicles and in Matthew 21: 22: "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.".
At any rate intentions drive outcomes. Let us look at a few: If you repeatedly say “I am stressed out”, you most likely will continue to feel and be stressed out. If however you repeatedly say, “I am relaxed”, you will most likely become aware of the need to relax and begin to change your behaviors so you can relax.
The mind is a power tool of association. It associates feeling “stressed” with many unhealthy things. (Increased heart rate increased blood pressure, increase stress hormone cortisol) It also associates relaxation with a release of endorphins, which is your bodies own pain killer. It is sort of like hearing a certain “golden oldie” and remembering your first kiss and feeling good.
The words (saying them, writing them, hearing them, knowing them, believing them, feeling them) in of themselves do not make changes but the words bring about awareness, and awareness brings about changes in behavior. It is pretty hard to eat junk food while repeating the words, I am nourished and healthy.
Intentions need to be in the present tense as if it were already a fact. That demonstrates to the mind that you believe it. Some of my intentions are: I am prosperous, I am healthy, I am peaceful, I am energetic, I am loved, I am lovable. I am valued, I am useful, I am making a difference, I am generous, and I am attractive.
To get to here, I need to go through a four step process. I need… I want….I love….I am. I made a list of what I needed: Then I went through that list and tried to say I wanted each thing. It sort of puts a spin on it. For example, one of the times I said I need to eat more vegetables. Then when it got to the second step: I couldn’t say “I want to eat more vegetables” So I had to revise my list to say I need to LOVE to eat vegetables. And then you put it into the present tense. And my intent became: I love eating vegetables.
You will not, I will not make any changes till we WANT to. So intending love for a certain behavior is very powerful. But more important than that is the outcome. It’s the why of it. And in this case the intent went to: I am healthy and I am nourished.
It works the opposite way too, if we start out saying: “I want to be rich”, and can’t say “I need to be rich”, you probably won’t ever get to “loving being rich”. But I need to be prosperous, because I need to be generous, and I want to be generous and prosperous, because I love being generous and prosperous. I am generous and I am prosperous.
Here is another one: “I want healing, I need healing, I love being healed, I love healing.” “I am healed” It was hard for me at first to say: “I need healing”. (I kept thinking of all of the other people who needed it more); which brought to light my diminished value. So after I dealt with that, I could actually say it, feel it write it, speak it, know it, believe it, EXPERINCE it. (And I am healed)
“Intentions: will change your “awareness”. They will change your “reality”. And doing intentions with friends is fun. Call up a friend and say? What would you be celebrating right now if life was perfect for you? Get them to put it in a measurable package like: “I am experiencing romance with my husband, I am cashing my first royalty check from my book, I am having fun most of the time, and I am giggling with my grandchildren.” And then periodically call them up again and say: how about those silly grandchildren? How big is that royalty check, how is that good man of yours”
Happiness is just an intention away. Trade in those old thoughts, and create new ones.
Have fun with this, be blessed, and then be super grateful!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Avoidance, Pain Relief and Comfort
These are our thoughts feelings and experiences. We accept responsibility for them. We understand your journey may be different. We honor and respect that. Wishing you effortless joy. Eloise and Jake
Avoidance, Pain Relief and Comfort.
I believe in effortlessness. It is most likely the most common mantra or intent that I use. When the mind body and spirit are in alliance there is effortlessness. When mind heart and intuition are aligned there is effortlessness. However there is no such thing as nirvana. If I lived in a state of bliss there would be no growth, no movement, no change and ultimately I would get bored and die.
It is sort of like a room full of people all smoking pot and saying: “wow, dude this is amazing.” And it possibly is. However, to remain in the room, means to miss the beauty of the world. And as amazing as that feeling is at that moment, it would become mundane, and at some point one would have to get up and go get more pot, (leave the comfort zone) And would need money, to pay for it and get food and water, and would need to leave that nirvana to bathe and need to fulfill basic requirements of living, So from this overly simplistic image, it becomes apparent that I need a variety of things in life to survive. And to strive to limit my experience to only joy and ecstasy would diminish my human experience.
I find the word balance appropriate here. There needs to be work there needs to be play, there needs to be up for every down, and I need pain as much as I need pleasure. I know in my small little world, that
I would never be able to appreciate tall without short, and big without small and abundance without poverty. Contrast is a mechanism to enhance appreciation.
I was watching a movie about baseball recently where the player was describing the reasons for his current slump. He said “I remember when I loved hitting the ball. Now all of my energy is going into not missing the ball.” His energy was going into avoidance, and not into the pleasure. And when he started to love hitting the ball, and not feeling bad when he missed the ball, he started hitting the ball more often.
If I focus on joy and gratefulness and awareness on the times I am without pain, and embrace and accept the times I have pain then life will have a balance that brings about comfort.
As pleasure oriented as our society is in advertisement and media wise. The pleasure that is offered is actually presented as a mechanism to avoid pain. And it is in this avoidance that I set myself up for more pain.
I have just recently discovered that sitting in my pain, and getting comfortable with my discomfort can bring about change and awareness in such a dramatic way that old patterns are dissolved and growth and new forms of energy patterns created.
The purpose of pain is not to make my life miserable, it is to give me information, If I touch a hot stove, I soon learn not to touch the hot stove again. If I lift an object that is too heavy, and I injure my back, I learn not to do that, or I learn to strengthen my back.
It is the same with emotional or mental or spiritual pain. I learn not to do certain things, or I learn to strengthen that area of my life so that I can do things better. At least that is the way it is suppose to work. But instead I often experience the feeling of pain, and begin to avoid whatever it is that may cause that pain, and alter my behavior so redundantly that same thing keeps resurfacing over and over again.
If an issue is arising, and I am either repeating the same cycle over and over again, or if I get stuck in a cycle of pain, I am learning that it may be because there is a piece of information I am neglecting to embrace. Pain is there to give us information. (There is a new wave of thinking that suggests that avoidance may be a contributor to illness and dysfunction.) But that has to be balanced with avoiding what will hurt you, but not necessarily avoiding the discomfort that will show you what is hurting you. You keep exposing yourself to the hot stove, to the toxic influence. You will get damaged. Even if you keep avoiding the feeling of the pain by numbing it.
Someone once said to me: “Think about what it would be like if you were no longer afraid of pain, no longer afraid of discomfort, no longer afraid of confrontation. How would your life change if you embraced, and believed that each one of those difficult experiences held for you a gem of resolution and joy.?”
I have been challenged recently with this journey. I continue to believe in effortlessness. But I also know that when it stops being effortless it is usually is because I have started down a wrong path. Or it is because I am moving too fast to even notice my path. My new goal is to listen when it gets uncomfortable. (find that piece of information the situation is trying to give to me) And say: “ok you have my attention, I am listening, speak to me.” And it means listening to that information, even when it is not initially clear..
So I simply say: “OK I hear ya” When I listen, and redirect my path or find the gem, the effortlessness usually returns.
I do think it is ok, to have a place of comfort. (Like going home.) But if I stay in that place of comfort all of the time, I miss so many of the clues. I need to move forward.
Obviously just as I need to avoid touching a hot stove to prevent pain and injury. I need to avoid things that cause damaging pain. Our society however often promotes an environment where it is acceptable to be exposed to pain. Then it supports permission to repress, deny ignore or medicate the pain. Because of that cultural attitude I am influenced to continue be exposed to things that will cause pain.
I have patients asking me for little white nerve pills all of the time, so that they can stay in bad marriages, stay in bad jobs, and stay in situations that if they would only leave, they probably wouldn’t need that little white pill. I have patients who ask me for pain pills, but really aren’t interested in healing. Nerve pills and pain pills and analgesic of any kind, in my opinion, are short term solutions and can greatly facilitate healing. But in the absence of healing efforts. Only promote long term avoidance.
Physical pain, in my opinion is a symbolic representation of spiritual injury. Very real, very legitimate, but often unrelieved without simultaneously examining the issues that predisposed one to the injury or illness.
I also think a lot pain that we experience has big picture implications. So much of my painful periods in my life has allowed me to be more understanding and empathetic to my current clients. “I used to beat myself up for not being able to get rid of the pain of injury symptoms. I kept thinking that if I just thought right, felt right and behaved right I would be healed. I think that is possible, and part of the process, but the timing of such changes often has to do with the long term lessons. Like learning persistence, like finding cures, like developing stamina, like trusting in the unknown, (like big picture purposes or even karmic balance.)
Being in pain allows me sometimes to slow down, feel sorry for myself and be nurtured by others. (feeling sorry for ones self not being a bad thing, but something we need to do often, and has therapeutic benefit.) (Feeling sorry for myself is useful when nurturing and self care has been compromised.)
So I am looking at contrast at this time in my life, and as I get comfortable in discomfort, the gems seems to surface more quickly, the discomfort turns to joy, and the joy and the discomfort become one. And effortlessness even in change and chaos become peaceful.
Today I might be down, but tomorrow I might be up. Today I might be full, tomorrow I might be hungry.
Today I may be needy, tomorrow I may be satisfied. Today I may be connected, tomorrow I may be alone. I think it is all good, and it is ALL AS IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE. Effortlessly balanced and moving forward.
PS how this translates into real life;
I am leaving a job I was comfortable in (because my intuition said to, and when I said to myself: “no I am not leaving” the job got uncomfortable)
I am taking a job that is actually outside my comfort zone, because it is what I need to do to go to the next level professionally.
I am loosing weight because I stopped eating to ease distress, but started to eat to nourish.
I am feeling healthier because I am exercising and moving even though at times it is uncomfortable to do so, It is all good, and it is ALL AS IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE. Effortlessly balanced and moving forward.
Avoidance, Pain Relief and Comfort.
I believe in effortlessness. It is most likely the most common mantra or intent that I use. When the mind body and spirit are in alliance there is effortlessness. When mind heart and intuition are aligned there is effortlessness. However there is no such thing as nirvana. If I lived in a state of bliss there would be no growth, no movement, no change and ultimately I would get bored and die.
It is sort of like a room full of people all smoking pot and saying: “wow, dude this is amazing.” And it possibly is. However, to remain in the room, means to miss the beauty of the world. And as amazing as that feeling is at that moment, it would become mundane, and at some point one would have to get up and go get more pot, (leave the comfort zone) And would need money, to pay for it and get food and water, and would need to leave that nirvana to bathe and need to fulfill basic requirements of living, So from this overly simplistic image, it becomes apparent that I need a variety of things in life to survive. And to strive to limit my experience to only joy and ecstasy would diminish my human experience.
I find the word balance appropriate here. There needs to be work there needs to be play, there needs to be up for every down, and I need pain as much as I need pleasure. I know in my small little world, that
I would never be able to appreciate tall without short, and big without small and abundance without poverty. Contrast is a mechanism to enhance appreciation.
I was watching a movie about baseball recently where the player was describing the reasons for his current slump. He said “I remember when I loved hitting the ball. Now all of my energy is going into not missing the ball.” His energy was going into avoidance, and not into the pleasure. And when he started to love hitting the ball, and not feeling bad when he missed the ball, he started hitting the ball more often.
If I focus on joy and gratefulness and awareness on the times I am without pain, and embrace and accept the times I have pain then life will have a balance that brings about comfort.
As pleasure oriented as our society is in advertisement and media wise. The pleasure that is offered is actually presented as a mechanism to avoid pain. And it is in this avoidance that I set myself up for more pain.
I have just recently discovered that sitting in my pain, and getting comfortable with my discomfort can bring about change and awareness in such a dramatic way that old patterns are dissolved and growth and new forms of energy patterns created.
The purpose of pain is not to make my life miserable, it is to give me information, If I touch a hot stove, I soon learn not to touch the hot stove again. If I lift an object that is too heavy, and I injure my back, I learn not to do that, or I learn to strengthen my back.
It is the same with emotional or mental or spiritual pain. I learn not to do certain things, or I learn to strengthen that area of my life so that I can do things better. At least that is the way it is suppose to work. But instead I often experience the feeling of pain, and begin to avoid whatever it is that may cause that pain, and alter my behavior so redundantly that same thing keeps resurfacing over and over again.
If an issue is arising, and I am either repeating the same cycle over and over again, or if I get stuck in a cycle of pain, I am learning that it may be because there is a piece of information I am neglecting to embrace. Pain is there to give us information. (There is a new wave of thinking that suggests that avoidance may be a contributor to illness and dysfunction.) But that has to be balanced with avoiding what will hurt you, but not necessarily avoiding the discomfort that will show you what is hurting you. You keep exposing yourself to the hot stove, to the toxic influence. You will get damaged. Even if you keep avoiding the feeling of the pain by numbing it.
Someone once said to me: “Think about what it would be like if you were no longer afraid of pain, no longer afraid of discomfort, no longer afraid of confrontation. How would your life change if you embraced, and believed that each one of those difficult experiences held for you a gem of resolution and joy.?”
I have been challenged recently with this journey. I continue to believe in effortlessness. But I also know that when it stops being effortless it is usually is because I have started down a wrong path. Or it is because I am moving too fast to even notice my path. My new goal is to listen when it gets uncomfortable. (find that piece of information the situation is trying to give to me) And say: “ok you have my attention, I am listening, speak to me.” And it means listening to that information, even when it is not initially clear..
So I simply say: “OK I hear ya” When I listen, and redirect my path or find the gem, the effortlessness usually returns.
I do think it is ok, to have a place of comfort. (Like going home.) But if I stay in that place of comfort all of the time, I miss so many of the clues. I need to move forward.
Obviously just as I need to avoid touching a hot stove to prevent pain and injury. I need to avoid things that cause damaging pain. Our society however often promotes an environment where it is acceptable to be exposed to pain. Then it supports permission to repress, deny ignore or medicate the pain. Because of that cultural attitude I am influenced to continue be exposed to things that will cause pain.
I have patients asking me for little white nerve pills all of the time, so that they can stay in bad marriages, stay in bad jobs, and stay in situations that if they would only leave, they probably wouldn’t need that little white pill. I have patients who ask me for pain pills, but really aren’t interested in healing. Nerve pills and pain pills and analgesic of any kind, in my opinion, are short term solutions and can greatly facilitate healing. But in the absence of healing efforts. Only promote long term avoidance.
Physical pain, in my opinion is a symbolic representation of spiritual injury. Very real, very legitimate, but often unrelieved without simultaneously examining the issues that predisposed one to the injury or illness.
I also think a lot pain that we experience has big picture implications. So much of my painful periods in my life has allowed me to be more understanding and empathetic to my current clients. “I used to beat myself up for not being able to get rid of the pain of injury symptoms. I kept thinking that if I just thought right, felt right and behaved right I would be healed. I think that is possible, and part of the process, but the timing of such changes often has to do with the long term lessons. Like learning persistence, like finding cures, like developing stamina, like trusting in the unknown, (like big picture purposes or even karmic balance.)
Being in pain allows me sometimes to slow down, feel sorry for myself and be nurtured by others. (feeling sorry for ones self not being a bad thing, but something we need to do often, and has therapeutic benefit.) (Feeling sorry for myself is useful when nurturing and self care has been compromised.)
So I am looking at contrast at this time in my life, and as I get comfortable in discomfort, the gems seems to surface more quickly, the discomfort turns to joy, and the joy and the discomfort become one. And effortlessness even in change and chaos become peaceful.
Today I might be down, but tomorrow I might be up. Today I might be full, tomorrow I might be hungry.
Today I may be needy, tomorrow I may be satisfied. Today I may be connected, tomorrow I may be alone. I think it is all good, and it is ALL AS IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE. Effortlessly balanced and moving forward.
PS how this translates into real life;
I am leaving a job I was comfortable in (because my intuition said to, and when I said to myself: “no I am not leaving” the job got uncomfortable)
I am taking a job that is actually outside my comfort zone, because it is what I need to do to go to the next level professionally.
I am loosing weight because I stopped eating to ease distress, but started to eat to nourish.
I am feeling healthier because I am exercising and moving even though at times it is uncomfortable to do so, It is all good, and it is ALL AS IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE. Effortlessly balanced and moving forward.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
changing jobs: all is as it is suppose to be
These are our thoughts feelings and experiences. We accept responsibility for them. We understand your journey may be different. We honor and respect that. Wishing you effortless joy. Eloise and Jake
All is not always as you think it is, but it is always exactly as it is suppose to be.
All is not always as you think it is, but it is always exactly as it is suppose to be.
Very often our instincts tell us that something is wrong. Trust that. ALWAYS trust that. What you can not always trust is your heart and your head. They will both lie to you.
The most optimal circumstance is when your heart and your head and your gut feeling all align. That is a pretty powerful state of being; and one to be sought after.
What does that all mean? I recently was feeling like I needed to leave my current job. My gut was saying go, run, leave. But my head was so looking for the reason. I began to find things that would give me a reason to leave. It almost felt like I was fabricating them. I had people around me saying, yep, you are right, things aren’t right here, and you need to move on.. Yet my heart did not want to leave; and every time I thought I had it figured out, something would come along and just screw up my thoughts and my plan.
My head started to play tricks on me. I started to feel like a failure, and a coward for running from a difficult situation. And I at times felt responsible for the chaos there. And then
I would get into my spiritual “mode” and go into work like I was on a mission to save the world. I would tell myself that there is no place so negative, so dark that I could not bring light to it. And every day I would wake up determined to stay energized and positive throughout the day no matter how difficult it was. (And driving home exhausted)
I would get into my spiritual “mode” and go into work like I was on a mission to save the world. I would tell myself that there is no place so negative, so dark that I could not bring light to it. And every day I would wake up determined to stay energized and positive throughout the day no matter how difficult it was. (And driving home exhausted)
Battle lines were drawn, and droves of people came out to say… do it…quit, get out of there! And just as many came forth to say please stay we need you here. I was so confused.
Now in the midst of this surfaced several different job offers. One of them making me an offer of $23,000.00 more than I was currently making. (And my brain kept saying “that’s a no brainer”) yet I continued to struggle.
There were people involved, and circumstances, and system failures. And I could today make you a list of all of the reasons why I finally chose to leave. But in reality it has nothing to do with any of those things. My perception allowed me to zoom in those things to simply help me make a decision. I needed to go, for no other reason except it was time to go and I just needed to leave.
There was emotion involved, and feelings got hurt. And perceptions were different. Each of those were used to help get from point A to point B. And the truth probably lies somewhere else. So I came to realize that I did not leave, for any of those reasons except it was time to go. What I was suppose to do there was complete.
There was emotion involved, and feelings got hurt. And perceptions were different. Each of those were used to help get from point A to point B. And the truth probably lies somewhere else. So I came to realize that I did not leave, for any of those reasons except it was time to go. What I was suppose to do there was complete.
Some of the things I learned through this experience are:
If you ask, the universe it will answer. I kept saying show me why I am leaving, and it showed me. Sometimes very painfully. But I was very clear the day I made my final decision.
If you wait, and give it time, you will know. I kept having these momentary feelings of, ok I need to go here, or there, or somewhere else, or stay. They were energizing feelings, because they felt like I was moving forward. But all it was: was adrenaline, and that good feeling would leave as soon as I would slow down and get quiet.
If you ask, the universe it will answer. I kept saying show me why I am leaving, and it showed me. Sometimes very painfully. But I was very clear the day I made my final decision.
If you wait, and give it time, you will know. I kept having these momentary feelings of, ok I need to go here, or there, or somewhere else, or stay. They were energizing feelings, because they felt like I was moving forward. But all it was: was adrenaline, and that good feeling would leave as soon as I would slow down and get quiet.
Adrenaline can give you a false sense of energy. But if you loose that when you slow down, its an illusion, or worse yet if you can never slow down and be still and get quiet. You can be pretty sure you are running from something.
There is also a place of complacency that looks a lot like peace, but in reality it is human compromise. I saw much complacency around me, and thought it was peacefulness, and wondered why I did not have any of it. Being still is incredible, but to stay still, without movement for LONG periods of time is certain death.
There are no wrong decisions. If I had decided to stay it would have been the right decision, but I decided to go, so it is the right decision, Several times I would try on a decision, as if I was making it, and then begin to proceed with its implementation. (cautiously) and if things started going awry, I would back up to the last point in the journey I felt peaceful and try again. If it kept going wrong, I would know undoubtedly that I needed to go in a different direction.
Knowing you are doing the right thing provides a feeling of energy, and peacefulness. And it is usually effortlessly.
If you are moving in the right direction it will not drain you (effort) it will energize you and give you peace.
The place I am leaving, is not a bad place. In fact it is a pretty marvelous place, that does an outstanding job of what it is trying to do. It is not what I need to do, but that does not make it better or worse than who I am, it just makes it different. In order to get me headed in the right direction, I needed to perceive it to be a negative place temporarily. But now that I am on my way to a new place, my perception of the old place has returned to good.
So things are not what they seem. And they are. Every person, every situation is both good and bad simultaneously. (although I really do not believe in bad, only light and dark and positive and negative.)
I caused turmoil and chaos at that job, and participated in alchemy. And I also brought light and healing and change . I felt sadness, and anger and joy and love. It is all as it is suppose to be.
And lastly, and most important is what I learned about the voice of my body. If you are headed down a wrong path or at a crossroads in life, your body will speak to you first. Fatigue, unhealthy behaviors, obesity, poor self care, poor concentration, social isolation are red flags that something is wrong. Now that I have made my decision, and know it’s the right decision, because I am energetic, peaceful, I am eating right, exercising, and feel like I am healing. I can meditate again, and I feel like being around people. And I am moving, mindfully, and peacefully.
And no I did not take that lucrative job, but instead one that would challenge me and create a sense of passion and desire to get up and go to work. (my heart) Now my head wouldn’t let me go backwards financially, So I am going to be making more money, but making more money in a peaceful energetic circumstance. It all fell into place. And am grateful for every difficult moment I have had in the last 4 months.
My head and my heart now are in alliance with my gut feeling. And all is as it is suppose to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
